I laughed so hard at this.

My friend Lauren Green is probably one, if not the of the funniest person I know. And I feel like I know a lot of funny people. Anyway After compulsively making my life into lists (because I have a problem and unhealthy de-stressing technique to writing things down in the form of lists) I read her blog before going to bed and realized it is wonderful and well written and she's incredibly hilarious. I wanted to share.


Disclaimer: Lauren, please don't hate me for blogging about your blog. We are nerds. I can't help it. I sometimes think about our conversation at The Satelite over nachos that made me ill and how we made fun of everyone and talked about the Casbah and how I fell on New Years on solid ice but was so drunk I didn't feel a thing, even though I was swollen and bleeding. And then, in all the nostalgia. I read your blogs and laugh so hard I spit my cozy-time tea all over my yellow fishing sweatshirt. Now I have to do a load of laundry and I know how much you like spit.
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Title:What not to do.
Current mood: breezy

As an update on the wallet, I tracked Texas Pete (as Levi has dubbed him) to a gas station on Division where he tried to use my debit card. The people at the gas station were assholes and wouldn't let us see if he was on their security cameras. After that, on Thursday, someone from the Child and Family services center on Atlantic called me and told me they found my driver's license in the parking lot of their work, which is awesome, but leads me to two more questions:


1. How the hell did they get my cell phone number?
2. Why would Texas Pete dump the driver's license and not the whole wallet, or other stupid things like my Safeway card and stuff?

I also called Crime Check back to fill them in on where my card was used and all that, but the SPD still doesn't give a shit enough to even look at my file, so that was pretty much all for nothing.

Weddings are funny.

Today, my boss was taking pictures of the couple, and he noticed they were being kind of stiff. To lighten to mood, he yelled, "Come on guys, show me your teeth!"

Turns out that the bride was completely toothless. Awkward silence ensued for several minutes.

Later on at the reception, the bride and groom gave the DJ their own mix CD to play, which was interesting. Literally every other song on it was ABBA. And about 3/4 of the ones that weren't were Nickelback. Almost makes me wish for "Butterfly Kisses" again, haha.

But my favorite track came on at a point where most of the young people were outside having a smoke, and as fate would have it, a bunch of immobile old people were sitting at the tables. That song was "You're So Gay" by Katy Perry. If you're not familiar with it, the lyrics are basically this:

"You're so gay, you don't even like boys
No you don't even like, no you don't even like, no you don't even like boys.
oh oh oh oh
La La La
Do Do Do Bop Bow
You're so gay, you're so gay"
(repeat x infinity)

Pretty much simultaneously, all of the old people that could actually walk, stood up and left the room. The rest that were stuck there pretended they couldn't hear anything and just stared down at their tables, not talking to each other.

I was standing next to the DJ booth, laughing, but the best part was yet to come. At the very end of the song, someone had recorded a clip of themselves yelling, "WEINER."

The DJ got the most horrified look on her face, and said to me, "Ohmygod. Did it just say 'Weiner'? It said weiner. Oh my god. Oh my god."

I laughed so hard I cried.

Anyway, the rest of the wedding went weinerlessly, and everything got back to normal. Except I noticed that the using-live-goldfish-as-centerpieces trend is coming back around, and that's stupid."
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