Hiatus/Reflection/!

Looking through the 3 last past moths of my blogs, I realize that these have been nothing more than ramblings, with a few decent writings here are there: Ironic Tattoo ,  Cafe in New York,  Airport Ramblings , Academia, this little gem: Digital Literacy and my first real quasi-narration back when I was 19, living on my own for the firs time and settling in moving somewhere new, 19.

I then found this picture:

This is the bed that I slept on when I was really, really poor, sophomore year. Ironically, I will be sleeping on this same bed for two weeks, 4 years later with an entirely different life. I was 19 when I moved here, insecure, scared, shy and I leave 23, confident, accomplished and sassy. As I'm embarking on this crazy adventure- (i.e- moving 2,300 miles away and not looking back once) I have to tell you, friends, I will not be writing blogs for  a while.  I am going to focus in on the future, study for the GRE's, write graduate application essays, see my friends, complete my list of "things to do in the West Greater Seattle Area before I leave" -- move and say goodbye. The only advice that my father has ever given me, "Figure out what you want, and then go get it." And, I did. And, it is good.


I.hate.goodbyes. I am not good at them. I cry. Change is wonderful and exciting, but the goodbye, it is always  awful;  awful when I left the island, awful when I left EWU, awful when I left Spokane and awful now that I leave here.  The goodbyes  have already started from my students, both college and elementary-- and it's sad. I realized I did a  lot of great things this last year, I was just too blind to see them.  I.hate.goodbyes.

In the next month,  I am going to be busy living, focusing on enjoying my 28 days I left in this city, the people here, the places, the comfort, the predictability, the familiar, my loves,  my old home-- and then I am going to get in my car and drive away, watching the isolated city that once was my home fade into my rear view mirror. I have done that before and it is time to do so again. However, it's this time, the now, the time in-between that always gets me, the goodbyes, the transition, the instability, the detachment, the realizing life will never be where it is now again, being ok with not seeing my friends or the beautiful sunsets, feeling good about cultivating a great life here in 4 years and watching it fade as I cruise 60mph South on I-5. 

From now, on, I want my blogs to be eloquent, funny pieces of narration. I love life. I love its instability, its ability to kick my ass, to confuse and challenge, to meet  crazy wonderful characters, to move me, to make me feel... and I want my writing to be a reflection of all these aspects.



Right now, my life feels like a really fierce Pollock Painting

and all I really  want is a Rothko

Until my life feels like a Rothko, I will not be writing publicly. As I have written before, " Every single letter, every single space; the words they are uneasy, the words they are heavy, the words, goddamnit, these words, they are mine."